Ozzie's New Ambition

I think that Ozzie Guillen has a new goal. Having already won a World Championship with the White Sox, he is embarking on a personal quest to become the most psychotic manager in the history of the game. He's got a long way to go to catch this man, but Ozzie is off to a great start.

The row over the A.J./Vincente Padilla/Sean Tracey/Hank Blaylock incident is a fine example. Certainly comments by Ozzie like these are right out of the Martin playbook:

"I'll tell you one thing, if Padilla hit me twice, right now I'd be in the hospital or I'd be dead. But I will fight. I will fight because the way he hit him."

"Everybody has a different way of going about their business. They hit me, we'll fight. I'd get my butt kicked, but I will fight. I grew up fighting. I play this game the way it should be played, I coached this game the way it should be coached and I manage this game the way people have to manage in this game."

"Padilla can't say he wanted to hit him because he'd get in trouble. Everybody knows he hit him. If that situation happened to Ozzie Guillen, right now I'd be bleeding with a broken nose."

Imagine all of that in rapid-fire, heavily Spanish-accented English, and you'll get the idea of one crazy dude. A Chicago radio station used to play a game in which listeners had to determine whether a sound bite was from Ozzie or from Tony Montoya. I'd rule these as too close to call.

So Sean Tracey gets his ass shipped back to the minors for refusing to drill Hank Blaylock in retaliation. That'll teach you to have a conscience, kid. Guillen is now probably pestering Kenny Williams to sign Ben Christensen.

Maybe I'm just missing the point. Maybe Ozzie is not a manager, but a performance artist. Sometimes I half-expect him to declare himself the Inter-Gender Wrestling Champion of the World, or start reading The Great Gatsby to the plate umpire in the middle of an argument. Now THAT would be entertainment!