One Man’s Soap Is Another Man’s Waste

Ah, the last few days before the non-waiver trading deadline – i.e., 31 July. It’s the time of year we all look to see who our favorite teams will pick up (or trade away) as we make the push for the playoffs (or look ahead to next year).

And thanks to the 24-hour sports channels and the internet, there is no end to the rumors flyin’ around out there. But there’s a difference in someone reporting a rumor, and someone pulling something out of his a…errr…lower back region.

Look no further than this nugget of joy from our old friend Dr. Phil:

It’s hard to see Yankees GM Brian Cashman pulling the trigger on an A-Rod deal, but the two-time Most Valuable Player has become such a target for upset fans at Yankee Stadium that owner George Steinbrenner might decide to pull the plug…

If the Yankees let it be known they would move Rodriguez, a lot of teams would be interested. The Cubs are among the few who realistically could pursue a deal. They have both the financial flexibility, and the parts to move back to New York.

Aramis Ramirez, signed through 2008 and lately killing the ball, would be welcomed with open arms in New York.

If the deal were expanded to include Jacque Jones, essentially making this one-stop shopping for Cashman, Rodriguez’ biggest-in-baseball salary would not seem to be a huge issue…

Rodriguez has a full no-trade clause, complicating matters on the Yankee’s end. But remember his visit to Wrigley Field during the 2003 National League Championship Series? He was shopping to relocate at the time, and Chicago was high on the list of places he would have liked to land.

For those of you keeping score at home, that’s two “if’s,” two “but’s,” one “might,” and four “would’s” in the course of those 182 words. I’m not sure on how far a piece has to move into the subjunctive before it can be officially classified as mere speculation, but I’d wager this comes pretty close.

Or, to put it another way, imagine you’re at a bar talking with Cubs Fan about a possible trade. And let’s say the Cubs Fan tells you that he’s sure his heroes can snag A-Rod, and outlines the same scenario Dr. Phil presented.

Do you:

A. Congratulate him on his cogent analysis of the situation, and urge him to share his insights with the world by writing a column for a major metropolitan daily newspaper.

B. Laugh, and tell him that he’s buying the next round.

If you answered “A,” try again until you get the right answer.

But since Dr. Phil is a columnist with his own press pass, credit cards, keys, and Hall of Fame ballot, he can write this stuff, and get other people (like Yahoo sports) to write about it as if the A-Rod-to-the-Cubs idea is actually based in reality and not some piece of fluff contrived to fill column inches.

By the way, Dr. Phil’s column in today’s hopelessly biased Chicago Tribune also dealt with Alex Rodriguez trade rumors…but this time to the White Sox. Another day, another column…