Free Agent Frenzy
I talk baseball with a lot of people in the course of my day. And these first few heady weeks of the free agent season provide plenty of fodder for conversation.
In the course of all this gabbing, I couldn’t help but notice a distinct pattern in how my colleagues view the various free agent signings. Being a fun-loving sort, I made a little game of it to share with you.
First, a list of this winter’s signings (courtesy Yahoo Sports). Then, a list of the most common reactions to those signings. Now, these are not actual, verbatim reactions. They’re more a summary of the overarching theme of those reactions; in essence, an amalgamation of them all distilled into a few coherent sentences. Have fun!
1. Carlos Lee Houston 6 years, $100 million
2. Justin Speier Anaheim 4 years, $18 million
3. Gary Matthews, Jr. Anaheim 5 years, $50 million
4. Nomar Garciaparra Los Angeles 2 years, $18.5 million
5. Mark DeRosa Chicago (NL) 3 years, $13 million
6. Greg Zaun Toronto 2 years, $7.25 million
7. Kerry Wood Chicago (NL) 1 year $1.75 million
8. Juan Pierre Los Angeles 5 years, $44 million
9. Henry Blanco Chicago (NL) 2 years, $5.25 million
10. Wes Helms Philadelphia 2 years, $5.45 million
11. Danys Baez Baltimore 3 years $19 million
12. Alfonso Soriano Chicago (NL) 8 years, $136 million
A. What a great signing! That team needed offensive improvement, and they signed the best hitter available. Yeah, they spent a lot, but when they win the NL Central next year it’ll look good. Flags fly forever!
B. Gosh, it’s hard to tell what qualifies as a ridiculous contract anymore. It’s their money – if they want to overpay for what was once considered freely available talent, or guys who spend more time on the DL than the field, who cares? They have so much dough to throw around nowadays it doesn’t matter.
C. Another great signing! This guy’s a premier center fielder just entering the prime of his career. Look at the awesome season he had last year! That year was so good there’s no chance it was a statistical outlier.
D. Great googaly moogaly! What the hell is that Jim Hendry thinking? That guy’s had only one good year in his career, and now he’s getting Star Money™! Doesn’t Hendry have any concept of fiscal responsibility?
E. You know, there really is no such thing as a “bad” two-year deal. Even if the player stinks, he’s off the books in another year anyway, so who cares?
F. Great Caesar’s Ghost! Why pay Star Money™ for a guy slated for 80 innings of middle relief! Jim Hendry is a frickin' idiot.
G. What the hell? Why would you sign a guy like that for two years? You can shake the non-tendered tree and get a guy just like him. That Jim Hendry is a foolish fool, I’ll tell you what!
H. Sweet Zombie Jesus! It’s taking all my self-control not to break down into sputtering, apoplectic rage! How can Jim Hendry sign this deeply, deeply flawed player to such a ridiculous contract? This is the sort of contract that’s going to make it impossible for Joe Six-Pack to go to the yard. That Hendry must be stoooopid!
Answers: Remember – we’re not singling out any particular team…
1. A 2. B 3. C
4. B 5. D 6. E
7. F 8. C 9. G
10. E 11. B 12. H
In the course of all this gabbing, I couldn’t help but notice a distinct pattern in how my colleagues view the various free agent signings. Being a fun-loving sort, I made a little game of it to share with you.
First, a list of this winter’s signings (courtesy Yahoo Sports). Then, a list of the most common reactions to those signings. Now, these are not actual, verbatim reactions. They’re more a summary of the overarching theme of those reactions; in essence, an amalgamation of them all distilled into a few coherent sentences. Have fun!
1. Carlos Lee Houston 6 years, $100 million
2. Justin Speier Anaheim 4 years, $18 million
3. Gary Matthews, Jr. Anaheim 5 years, $50 million
4. Nomar Garciaparra Los Angeles 2 years, $18.5 million
5. Mark DeRosa Chicago (NL) 3 years, $13 million
6. Greg Zaun Toronto 2 years, $7.25 million
7. Kerry Wood Chicago (NL) 1 year $1.75 million
8. Juan Pierre Los Angeles 5 years, $44 million
9. Henry Blanco Chicago (NL) 2 years, $5.25 million
10. Wes Helms Philadelphia 2 years, $5.45 million
11. Danys Baez Baltimore 3 years $19 million
12. Alfonso Soriano Chicago (NL) 8 years, $136 million
A. What a great signing! That team needed offensive improvement, and they signed the best hitter available. Yeah, they spent a lot, but when they win the NL Central next year it’ll look good. Flags fly forever!
B. Gosh, it’s hard to tell what qualifies as a ridiculous contract anymore. It’s their money – if they want to overpay for what was once considered freely available talent, or guys who spend more time on the DL than the field, who cares? They have so much dough to throw around nowadays it doesn’t matter.
C. Another great signing! This guy’s a premier center fielder just entering the prime of his career. Look at the awesome season he had last year! That year was so good there’s no chance it was a statistical outlier.
D. Great googaly moogaly! What the hell is that Jim Hendry thinking? That guy’s had only one good year in his career, and now he’s getting Star Money™! Doesn’t Hendry have any concept of fiscal responsibility?
E. You know, there really is no such thing as a “bad” two-year deal. Even if the player stinks, he’s off the books in another year anyway, so who cares?
F. Great Caesar’s Ghost! Why pay Star Money™ for a guy slated for 80 innings of middle relief! Jim Hendry is a frickin' idiot.
G. What the hell? Why would you sign a guy like that for two years? You can shake the non-tendered tree and get a guy just like him. That Jim Hendry is a foolish fool, I’ll tell you what!
H. Sweet Zombie Jesus! It’s taking all my self-control not to break down into sputtering, apoplectic rage! How can Jim Hendry sign this deeply, deeply flawed player to such a ridiculous contract? This is the sort of contract that’s going to make it impossible for Joe Six-Pack to go to the yard. That Hendry must be stoooopid!
Answers: Remember – we’re not singling out any particular team…
1. A 2. B 3. C
4. B 5. D 6. E
7. F 8. C 9. G
10. E 11. B 12. H
posted by Bob at
9:54 PM
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