May Day Review
Greetings, Comrades! Join Commissar Jim on the reviewing stand as we salute the glorious achievements for April of the Workers and Peasants of Major League baseball! All hail Markakis, Lennon and Trosky!
**Imperialist Tool Dave van Dyck wonders how the White Sox are able to lead the league in runs per game while ranking last in the AL in batting average. Van Dyck gives the credit to the discredited capitalist tricks of "timely hitting" and "manufacturing runs." The enlightened proletariat knows that the real reason is the unlike last year, the White Sox have players at the top of the lineup gloriously drawing walks and being on base when someone jacks one out of the park. All hail Kenny Williams for the Nick Swisher and Carlos Quentin trades!
**Decadent Yankees beware! The downtrodden masses in Tampa are now a powerful insurgent force ready to contend on the AL Eastern Front. Heroes of the People Upton, Crawford, Longoria, Shields, and Kazmir will no longer submit to the iron heel of the oppressor. The Rays have cut almost two runs per game off of their runs allowed since last year, without their staff leader, Scott Kazmir, having thrown a pitch this season. Kazmir will make his first start on Sunday.
**Hero of the Kansas City revolution Zach Greinke is the new Greg Maddux. The people do not suggest that he will win 350 games, but watching Greinke is like watching vintage Maddux--the command, the intelligence, the location, the way he makes getting hitters out look easy. The Royals are not a good team, yet, but they are on the march, and at least are entertaining, which they have not been in a long time.
**Imperialist Dodgers and other NL West running dogs, the Diamondbacks will bury you! The NL West was never a four team race. The Arizona Diamondbacks have always been champions. The Snakes have scored the second most runs in the NL while allowing the fewest, and that's not a fluke. Good young hitters, a strong defense, one of the league's best rotations, and a strong bullpen--that covers it, fellow workers!
**Commissar Jim awards Pirates GM Neal Huntington high honors and the people's fame forever for being a man of his word. Huntington's open letter to Pirates fan this spring promised that he would rule with an iron fist and that poor performance would no longer be tolerated. He backed up his promise last week by having Matt Morris taken out behind the ballpark and shot. Death to the enemies of rebuilding in Pittsburgh! Morris was the most visible symbol on the field of the ineptitude of the rule of Dave Littlefield, and needed to go.
On to May! The people demand baseball!
**Imperialist Tool Dave van Dyck wonders how the White Sox are able to lead the league in runs per game while ranking last in the AL in batting average. Van Dyck gives the credit to the discredited capitalist tricks of "timely hitting" and "manufacturing runs." The enlightened proletariat knows that the real reason is the unlike last year, the White Sox have players at the top of the lineup gloriously drawing walks and being on base when someone jacks one out of the park. All hail Kenny Williams for the Nick Swisher and Carlos Quentin trades!
**Decadent Yankees beware! The downtrodden masses in Tampa are now a powerful insurgent force ready to contend on the AL Eastern Front. Heroes of the People Upton, Crawford, Longoria, Shields, and Kazmir will no longer submit to the iron heel of the oppressor. The Rays have cut almost two runs per game off of their runs allowed since last year, without their staff leader, Scott Kazmir, having thrown a pitch this season. Kazmir will make his first start on Sunday.
**Hero of the Kansas City revolution Zach Greinke is the new Greg Maddux. The people do not suggest that he will win 350 games, but watching Greinke is like watching vintage Maddux--the command, the intelligence, the location, the way he makes getting hitters out look easy. The Royals are not a good team, yet, but they are on the march, and at least are entertaining, which they have not been in a long time.
**Imperialist Dodgers and other NL West running dogs, the Diamondbacks will bury you! The NL West was never a four team race. The Arizona Diamondbacks have always been champions. The Snakes have scored the second most runs in the NL while allowing the fewest, and that's not a fluke. Good young hitters, a strong defense, one of the league's best rotations, and a strong bullpen--that covers it, fellow workers!
**Commissar Jim awards Pirates GM Neal Huntington high honors and the people's fame forever for being a man of his word. Huntington's open letter to Pirates fan this spring promised that he would rule with an iron fist and that poor performance would no longer be tolerated. He backed up his promise last week by having Matt Morris taken out behind the ballpark and shot. Death to the enemies of rebuilding in Pittsburgh! Morris was the most visible symbol on the field of the ineptitude of the rule of Dave Littlefield, and needed to go.
On to May! The people demand baseball!
posted by Jim at
7:43 PM
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