Phil Rogers Is an Utter Hack

I didn’t think it possible, but Dr. Phil, Beat Writer is even more of a hack than Dr. Phil, Baseball Columnist. His game story in Wednesday’s Tribune is as shameful a display as any I’ve seen this year.

Here’s the lead paragraph in the Trib’s Midwest edition, put to bed long before the eighteen-inning affair finished:

Trying to save Juan Mateo’s life, Dusty Baker might have cost the Cubs a victory Tuesday night. His decision not to expose Mateo to retaliation from a seemingly angry Roger Clemens set up a long, hard night at Minute Maid Park for everyone.

This is one for the record books. Dr. Phil can’t wait to crack on Baker for leaving a pitcher in too long. Now, he’s cracking on Dusty for taking a pitcher out of a game. Bravo for life’s little ironies.

The final story (posted at 1:22 this morning) revises the lead slightly, saying that Baker’s foolish decision “merely set up one of the longest, craziest nights in Cubs history.” As if Baker was sitting in the dugout pondering what he could do to give the fans at Enron Field a whole ‘nother game for free.

Clemens hit Jacque Jones in the first inning; Mateo hit Clemens in the fifth. So I don’t know if either or both were intentional, semi-intentional, or completely accidental. I did see Clemens hit Ryan Theriot, and, while I don’t claim to have read Clemens’ mind, I can honestly say it looked like the Rocket was trying to prove his manhood by drilling Theriot. Although it didn’t exactly happen as Dr. Phil describes:

Pinch-hitter Ryan Theriot instead received the brunt of Clemens' wrath. Clemens missed Theriot with his first inside pitch, then nailed him in the back with the next one.

I don’t know what game Dr. Phil was watching, but Theriot wasn’t hit in the back. Theriot backed out of the way of Clemens’ first pitch (neck-high and way inside). The next pitch was merely chest-high, and Theriot was bailing all the way. Not fast enough, though. Cubs TV guy Len Kasper said that the pitch nicked the front of Theriot’s uniform. Ausmus was able to catch the pitch, too, which would have been a real neat trick if the pitch had hit Theriot’s back.

How is it possible that a reporter gets such a simple fact wrong in his story? I’ve no clue. Perhaps he was busy proofing the galleys of his book on the 2006 White Sox.

If the action on the field may have eluded Dr. Phil’s eagle-eyed vigilance, you can be sure it’s because he’s focusing on what’s really important:

The dugout camera caught Baker swearing, and it was obvious why when Wuertz's get-me-over fastball was pulled past first baseman John Mabry for a two-run double.

Horrors! Dusty Baker swears! Who will think of the children?

Full disclosure: I, too, let fly a naughty word or five after Wuertz blew the lead. I apologize to any children who heard me. Kids, don’t swear.

In yet another of life’s little ironies, the cameras also caught Clemens having a hissy fit after returning to the dugout after the fifth inning. He angrily flung his glove against the wall and trashed an innocent water cooler before stomping angrily…errr…I mean, “seemingly angrily,” in Phil-speak. Maybe Dr. Phil was color-correcting some photos he’s planning on including in his book and didn’t see Clemens’ tantrum.

I can go on about Dr. Phil’s slanted interpretation of events (and I usually do). But he couldn’t even be bothered to get the simplest of his facts straight in this story:

The game-winning hit came after Astros manager Phil Garner intentionally walked Michael Barrett to get to Murton, who has 22 runs batted in over his last 26 games.

[12 paragraphs later]

Murton, who has 20 runs batted in over his last 26 games, had entered the game as part of a double-switch in the seventh inning.

Jeebus help us! Dr. Phil, can’t you even bother to proof your own stuff before you send it to the Tower? Yeah, OK – it was late, I’m sure Dr. Phil was tired after blue-penciling his proof pages. And the editors deserve their share of the blame, too. After all, they’re the folks who let this glaring error into print (and haven’t bothered to correct it yet).

We can only hope that Dr. Phil prepares his Hall of Fame ballot with more care…

Late update: Another classic bit of Rogic from Dr. Phil:

In the series opener, Baker allowed his ace, Carlos Zambrano, to throw 121 pitches over eight innings. It was the seventh time this year Zambrano had thrown 120-plus, a heavy workload for a guy on a team going nowhere. But with so many kids in the mix, Baker feels he has to push his horse.

His handling of Zambrano was nothing compared to how Baker managed Tuesday night. He was in Game 7 mode, making moves now and asking questions later. Baker ran through his entire pitching staff, using Zambrano and converted catcher Carlos Marmol to pinch-hit and getting 13 innings of relief from nine others, including closer Ryan Dempster for three innings and Rich Hill, the scheduled starter Wednesday, for the last two.

For those of you scoring at home: leaving his starter in for 120 pitches is bad. Making frequent pitching changes is also bad, because you never know when the game's going to go 18 innings. I hope that clarifies things...