Why Can’t Sully Ask?

As I described above, there are a few basic questions that should be asked to determine if a particular player acquisition can be considered “good” or “bad.” As I also noted, these are simple, simple questions that any sentient life form would think to ask as a matter of course. So why do so few members of our press corps bother to ask these questions?

Perhaps it’s because our press corps aren’t sentient life forms.

The latest example comes courtesy of our friend Sully in today’s Chicago Tribune. Sully has a question about Soriano. I must admit it was a question I would never have thought to ask:

[Daryle] Ward was asked if Soriano carried a boom box, as did another former Cubs outfielder from the small town of San Pedro de Macoris in the Dominican Republic.

"I don't know," Ward said, laughing. "I'm pretty sure he likes to play his music loud."

Sammy Sosa's boom box allegedly was destroyed by a teammate after the 2004 season.

Cub Fans I know have several pressing questions about our Mr. Soriano – Can he play center? Can he hit leadoff? Are his 2006 power numbers for real?

Sully, the guy with the press pass and Hall of Fame ballot, the guy who goes on the TV as an “expert,” has a different question – does he have a boom box?

Oh, how the Chicago media loves the boom box script! His Samminess was last seen at Wrigley Field more than two years ago – but the diligent typists in your press corps can’t seem to rehash this favorite script often enough.

Gentle Readers, not even Mark Twain could create characters as obtuse as Sully (although Lord knows he’s tried). Why can’t Sully ask useful questions – questions so simple even a dope like me knows to ask them? Can it be because he’s an even bigger dope?