The Knights Who Say “Knee”

Spent the better portion of last week out of town, combining a business trip with a small vacation with the family. For most of that time, I was pretty much out of the loop when it came to baseball news. I caught Keith Olbermann’s griping about Buck O’Neill (as Jim expertly described it below), but that was about it.

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to get back home and see what my heroes had been up to in Mesa. As it turned out, not a lot.

It’s been an extraordinarily quiet camp this year, for a few reasons. First, there are no real position battles going on. Second, the media is focused on White Sox camp; why else would a picture of Paul Konerko playing with his baby merit full-color, page one attention?

Fortunately for Paul Sullivan and Mike Kiley, something finally happened this week. The news came down that Kerry Wood needs yet another surgery.

Word that Wood needs to hit the OR is like the first robin or tulip -- a sure sign that spring is on the way. As a Cub Fan, I am legally required to look for the bright side of things, and the best I can come up with is that it’s his knee and not part of his arm.

Wood and the Cubs said that it’s not that big a deal, that they wanted to get the surgery done before it became a big deal, and that Wood’s return would be delayed only a few weeks. We’ll see.

Meanwhile, the other traditional spring worry is gaining momentum. Mark Prior apparently isn’t as visible as some people think he should be. And noted windbag Steve Stone told a Chicago sports talk show that he thinks Prior is injured. Thank you, Dr. Stone.

God only knows what to make of this. Trying to parse useful information from the Cubs party line is like trying to parse useful information from the crap Puffy McMoonface provides at the daily press gaggle.

** Potentially as distressing as any injury to Prior or Wood is this nugget of joy from Dusty:

He [Marquis Grissom] doesn’t have to have a great spring...You want to see progress as spring goes on. I have a pretty good idea of what he can do. I’m looking for just what he has left

God help me. It’s bad enough Neifi is still cluttering up a roster spot. Do we really need the outfield version of Neifi?

By the way, the GROTA are calling Grissom the Marquis de Suck. Harsh. But funny.

** Things have been so quiet that Sully had to dig really deep to find something negative to write about. After the Cubs won pivotal game one of the Cactus League schedule, Sully threw this wet blanket in the game summary:

Ominous start: Reliever Bryan Corey gave up seven runs on six hits, including three home runs, without retiring a batter.

I’m not ashamed to admit that my first reaction to this was “Who the hell is Bryan Corey??” Let’s face it, if I haven’t heard of the guy, he’s probably not really high on the depth chart.

In the real world, there’s nothing ominous about a 32 year old NRI getting pounded in the first game of the exhibition schedule (unless you live in Des Moines, maybe). But in the hopelessly biased world of the Tribune, it’s enough for Sully to start the doom watch.

** It’s always fun to mock people who can’t be bothered to learn basic facts. Today’s victim: Tribune columnist Mike Downey. Downey concludes his wacky Saturday column with this bon mot:

A billboard at Sox camp reads: “If At First You Succeed, Repeat.” I think these were the same words spoken at the 1909 Cubs’ camp.

Oh, for fun! Excuse me as I wipe the tears of mirth from my eyes...

That’s better. But I must point out that this billboard actually made its debut at the 1908 Cubs’ camp. The 1909 Cubs’ camp billboard actually read “If At First You Succeed, Repeat Again.”