Jim & Bob's Palatial Baseball Blog

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Jeebus Help Me

I considered not blogging about this, because I'm making a more concerted effort to stay positive and not carp on every little thing that annoys me. But I'm weak, so you get a poorly-constructed blog entry about the latest piece of sh$t to spew from the Tower.

Jim's already compared Mike Downey to the drunk guy two barstools down from you at the Copper Grid (or your favorite dive bar).

Downey's done nothing to dissuade me from the veracity of Jim's take with his missive from a few days ago. Gentle Reader, if you are of stout heart and have a super-human tolerance for crap (and you must, since you're still reading this) click this link for what might be the most embarassing thing ever published by the same paper that once employed Ring Lardner, Mike Royko, and Jerome Holtzman. Well, most embarassing thing this month, that is.

In an effort to explain how this kind of drivel makes its way into print, I will employ the same pseudo-clever, fake Q-and-A format Downey used in the ten minutes it took him to write this sorry-ass excuse for a column. Hey, if it's good enough for a Hall of Fame-ballot-totin' columnist at a major metropolitan daily, it's good enough for some guy in his basement...

So, Mike, are you pleased with how that Clemens piece came out?

Hell, yeah! Knocked it out of the park!

Why the Q-and-A format? And why the know-it-all tone, which served only to insult both your subject matter and your audience?

The answer to both is that I'm incredibly lazy and didn't feel like making an effort. My boss told me I had to fill 600 words. And, by God, I did!

Fair enough. This question is for you, Mike Kellams. You are editor of the Tribune's sports section. How could you wave this steaming pile into print?

Well, I'm incredibly lazy, too. And I didn't feel like making an effort to make Mike make an effort. It was either print Mike's piece or have a big chunk of white space on the front page of the sports section.

Jeebus help me, you lot make me sick. How do you sleep at night?

Like babies.

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