Yeah, You're Just Like Him, Except That He Was A Great Player And You're A Crybaby

Boo-hoolian Tavarez makes my job easy again today:

"I don't know who Ernie Banks is, but I hope he was a good guy. I'm like him, I hope."

Ernie Banks:

*Spent entire career with Cubs
*Hit 512 home runs
*Beloved by generations of fans
*Most famous quote: "It's a beautiful day, let's play two!"

Julian Tavarez:

*Let go by seven different teams
*Suspended five different times (so far)
*Sucker-punched Joey Gathright during a spring training game
*Most famous quote: "San Francisco fans are a bunch of faggots."

I think that the similarities are obvious.