Where, Indeed?

Big Mouth came out today and said that Carlos Zambrano is his BFF. And he's got no time for anyone who was dissin' his man earlier this year:

It's also true he [Zambrano] seems to struggle early every season. But it's well worth the wait when he comes out of hibernation. He started this season 4-4 with a 5.61 earned-run average. Remember the public gnashing of teeth?

In his last 10 starts, he is 7-3 with a 2.29 ERA. Where are the teeth-gnashers now?

Let's set the Way-Back Machine for 2 June 2007. Those happy few who purchased a copy of that day's Tribune found this nugget of joy waiting for them:

Given the way Zambrano unraveled before our eyes, turning Barrett into both a scapegoat and a punching bag in a shamefully unprofessional display -- and yes, also that 5.62 earned-run average he is lugging around -- there's no way for the Cubs to justify giving him the five-year, $75-million contract he should have had in his pocket long ago. Not anymore.

With that being the case, it's time to trade him and clear the decks for next year's free agent signings.

That was from Dr. Phil. Scanning a few inches up and to the left on page four of that day's sports section gave you this profound insight:

Zambrano is among the best pitchers in baseball, but he has looked like just another guy the first two months of the season. He's 5-5. The Braves had 20 hits Friday, 13 of them against Zambrano.

Zambrano is supposed to be better than this. Instead, he has a bad habit of zoning out for an inning or two every game. Aces win games. They don't stand on the mound wondering whether Batman could beat up Superman, or whatever it is Zambrano thinks about when he loses track of things.

He turned 26 Friday. He's not a kid anymore.

You'll never guess who wrote that. Actually, you won't guess, 'cause I'm gonna tell you. It was Big Mouth.

Unfortunately, online records from the first week of June are spotty at best, so no links are available. Go to your local public library and pull the microfiche and look for yourself.

So where are the teeth-gnashers now? A few of them are sitting in Tribune Tower, trying their hardest to disappear their strongly-held opinions of June.

And one more thing -- Batman could so totally kick Superman's ass. Partly because Supes is a stand-up guy who believes in fair play, while Batman is a sociopath who will do anything to win. But mostly because Batman carries around kryptonite for just such a contingency...