Jim & Bob's Palatial Baseball Blog

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Hey Kids -- Comics!

Marvel Comics, not content with polluting the comics industry with its crapulance, decided to use its cloven hooves to trample on the game I love. The one-time House of Ideas has teamed up with the Durham Bulls (and Memphis and Buffalo) to publish Triple-A Baseball Heroes.

Here's how the Durham PR folks describe it:

The "Triple-A Baseball Heroes" comic book sees Marvel's legendary Super Hero family the Fantastic Four and their children, Franklin and Valeria enjoy a day off at the ballpark for an exciting game between the International and Pacific Coast leagues. Peter Parker (Spider-Man) is also making a day of it with Aunt May and hoping to get in a few photos for the Daily Bugle as well. Additionally, billionaire industrialist Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, is on hand to throw out the first pitch. Seeing the excitement of the fans and the potential financial windfall, Stark also considers making an investment in the League; however, fans, players and heroes all get more excitement than they bargained for when the villainous Sandman appears and the Incredible Hulk is there to tag him out! It all adds up to a Marvelous day for an amazing sport and fantastic League.

Jeebus help me, there are just so many things wrong with that paragraph I can barely contain the urge to prove to you all that I just might be a bigger comics geek than I am a baseball geek. I will indulge this desire by questioning why in God's name a major New York daily newspaper would want to run pictures of a random Durham Bulls game, and wondering how good ol' Tony Stark found the time in his busy schedule of beating up his friends and trampling our nation's civil liberties to throw out a ceremonial first pitch.

As godawful as this looks, there's no way it can be any worse than the last baseball-related comic I picked up at the yard.

On 8 June 2003, the Milwaukee Brewers and the Wisconsin Dental Association handed out a comic that taught the Heirs to the Palatial Estate the dangers of chewing tobacco. Handing out the smackdown against chaw were Brewer stalwarts Jeffrey Hammonds (who was released by the team on 4 June) and Glendon Rusch (who got lit up for 8 earned in six and a third that afternoon. Good times...

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