It's Especially Tricky the Way It Works

Time for another round of that famed Sesame Street game "One of These Things Is Not Like the Others!"

Here's the Chicago Tribune's Mark Gonzalez:

It was more than just a 3.71 ERA that White Sox closer Bobby Jenks needed to trim.


For Jenks, the bigger transformation involved his diet habits in an effort to change his daily life and enhance his baseball longevity.

"Honestly, it was a lot of everything," the 6-foot-4 Jenks said of the alterations he made to drop his weight to 275 pounds. "Not drinking helps. But really it was a lifestyle choice I wanted to make — not just for myself but for my family.

Really, the drinking part was hard. But once you did it, it was easy."

[snip]
The Sox's front office has been delighted at the way Jenks, 29, has responded. Four springs ago, following his breakout rookie season, Jenks reported to camp noticeably overweight and had to spend extra time with conditioning director Allen Thomas.

"In the past we've had to do two things — we had to get him in shape and his arm in shape," pitching coach Don Cooper said. "Right now it's just the arm because his body is in shape. It's great to see Bobby taking more responsibility and control of his career and life."

Jenks pitched through the 2005 postseason with a sore hip but managed to stay healthy until 2008, when he experienced discomfort behind his left shoulder blade. Last year he was sidelined because of kidney stones and missed the final 10 games because of a right calf strain.

As a result, Jenks embarked on measures to strengthen the shoulders, back and legs. He has also cut down on non-healthy food.

"Everyone knows not to eat certain things that aren't good for you, and the hard part is actually going to do it," Jenks said.

Good for Jenks.  As a guy who has made similar changes to his lifestyle, I appreciate how difficult it can be. But it's worth it.
 
Dr. Phil has another heart-warming story of a guy who's worked himself into shape:

Consider the highly motivated Andruw Jones. He arrived at the White Sox camp early and sassy, at one point calling himself the best center fielder on the property.

That seems unlikely, as Jones was only moderately adequate in the outfield for Texas last season. But the man has won 10 Gold Gloves and came to Glendale in good shape (minus the spare tire he packed in the last season or two of his 12-year stay in Atlanta). He's expected to get most of his playing time as part of a DH platoon, but if he could play well in the outfield he will give Ozzie Guillen a chance to use Carlos Quentin as the DH, lessening the chance he will have a recurrence of plantar fasciitis.

Ooohhhh...sassy! I like it!

And finally, it's our old buddy Sully, talkin' about the Cub's formerly pudgy catcher.  These are the first two paragraphs of his story:

After losing 40 pounds during the offseason, Geovany Soto looks like an air-brushed impression of his old self.

But losing weight means being under suspicion in the modern age. Soto laughed Tuesday when asked about talk show speculation he had been using performance-enhancing drugs.

"To me, (the rumors are) kind of ridiculous," Soto said. "I wasn't strong. I was just fat."

Sully shows superb self-restraint -- he waited almost two dozen words before he brought up the "speculation" that Geo's been doping!

To sum up:  the first thing we hear about Jenks is how he did "a lot of everything" to drop down to a sub-Fielder weight.  The first thing we hear about Jones is how he's "highly motivated."

And the first thing we hear about Soto is he's "air-brushed" (i.e., fake) and "under suspicion" for juicing.

So...which thing is not like the others?  The Soto piece, of course!

It's just another example of that damnable Tribune bias in favor of the Cubs.

Heavy Duty

Cap'n Cheeseburger a Brewer? Does that mean the two fattest players in the National League are on the Milwaukee roster?

Don't Let The Door Hit Your Fat, Knighted Ass On The Way Out

Why did this not surprise me one bit? This is my suggestion to any team thinking about giving him another chance: don't. Sidney Ponson is a fat, drunken, boorish jerk who has now worn out his welcome with six major league teams while running up an 86-102 record with a substandard career ERA. Someone should remind Ponson that you can be fat, a jerk, or even both and stay in the majors if you show results. Below average players with those qualities run out of chances fast.

I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

The AP's Jay Cohen had this to say about David Wells' Dodger debut:

Wells pitched five effective innings in his Dodgers debut and Los Angeles beat the New York Mets 6-2 on Sunday night to salvage the finale of the three-game series.

Here's Wells' line for the evening:

5 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 3 BB, 2K

Wells faced 23 men -- and ten reached base. For those of you scoring at home, that's a .435 on-base percentage.

The Mets managed to strand six (!) runners in Wells' five innings. One more (Lastings Milledge) was thrown out at the plate trying to score from first on a David Wright double. Wright himself managed to get picked off second by Wells later in the game.

Wells walked Wright and Beltran to load the bases in the fifth before fanning Moises Alou to end the frame.

That's "five effective innings?" Perhaps my standards are a bit high, but to my untrainted eye Wells was more lucky than good.

Hey Kids -- Comics!

Marvel Comics, not content with polluting the comics industry with its crapulance, decided to use its cloven hooves to trample on the game I love. The one-time House of Ideas has teamed up with the Durham Bulls (and Memphis and Buffalo) to publish Triple-A Baseball Heroes.

Here's how the Durham PR folks describe it:

The "Triple-A Baseball Heroes" comic book sees Marvel's legendary Super Hero family the Fantastic Four and their children, Franklin and Valeria enjoy a day off at the ballpark for an exciting game between the International and Pacific Coast leagues. Peter Parker (Spider-Man) is also making a day of it with Aunt May and hoping to get in a few photos for the Daily Bugle as well. Additionally, billionaire industrialist Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, is on hand to throw out the first pitch. Seeing the excitement of the fans and the potential financial windfall, Stark also considers making an investment in the League; however, fans, players and heroes all get more excitement than they bargained for when the villainous Sandman appears and the Incredible Hulk is there to tag him out! It all adds up to a Marvelous day for an amazing sport and fantastic League.

Jeebus help me, there are just so many things wrong with that paragraph I can barely contain the urge to prove to you all that I just might be a bigger comics geek than I am a baseball geek. I will indulge this desire by questioning why in God's name a major New York daily newspaper would want to run pictures of a random Durham Bulls game, and wondering how good ol' Tony Stark found the time in his busy schedule of beating up his friends and trampling our nation's civil liberties to throw out a ceremonial first pitch.

As godawful as this looks, there's no way it can be any worse than the last baseball-related comic I picked up at the yard.

On 8 June 2003, the Milwaukee Brewers and the Wisconsin Dental Association handed out a comic that taught the Heirs to the Palatial Estate the dangers of chewing tobacco. Handing out the smackdown against chaw were Brewer stalwarts Jeffrey Hammonds (who was released by the team on 4 June) and Glendon Rusch (who got lit up for 8 earned in six and a third that afternoon. Good times...

Rod Beck

The Trib's Mark Gonzales reported that former Cub, Giant, Padre, and Red Sox closer Rod Beck died today. No details were available.

Beck was one of my favorite Cubs. Not because he was terrific player, but he was a good player and better guy. Our condolences to his family and friends.

Don't Let the Door Hit You...

If anybody out there is looking for a guy with a 6.93 ERA, call Terry Ryan immediately.

Will Wonders Ever Cease?

It’s not often I say this…or even want to admit this…but I have to agree with David Wells:

"Roger might set the tone for the 40-and-above guys," Wells said of his former Yankee teammate. "Hey, I might do it. He's a smart businessman."

In the next breath, however, the hefty lefty caught himself. No, the 231-game winner said, he couldn't follow the Clemens plan after all.

It's not just that Wells turns 44 in two weeks or that he was recently diagnosed with
diabetes. It has more to do with the ballplayer's code that requires you to show up day after day throughout the endless grind.

"I don't think I would ever do it because of the fact I personally think it would disrespect the team and your teammates," Wells said. "You look at the other players. How are they going to respect you? What are they going to think if you're not there
pulling for the team?"

Jim has mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: everybody loves the Rocket, and his little perks about not traveling with the team and (allegedly) not showing up at the yard when he didn’t feel like it. But would the fans and the media be as accepting if some other player got the same perks? Somehow, I doubt it.

You'll Get Nothing and Like It

Dr. Phil reports that the Devil Rays are harsh task-masters:

The Devil Rays are taking a hard line on nutrition, if not the ability to bunt (Dioner Navarro's effort Thursday in Minnesota was disgraceful). They have banned ice cream and candy from team flights.

Perhaps they're planning on trading for David Wells...

The Original Big Daddy

You know who I admired when I was a young lad? Rick Reuschel. Or, as he is known to Cub Fans of a certain age, Good Ol' Number Forty-Eight.

If memory serves correctly, Reuschel had a decent sinker. I recall a lot of ground balls in his starts (he once tied the record for the most putouts by a pitcher in one inning with three). He didn't strike outs tons of batters, but he worked quick and kept the ball around the plate.

He won twenty games for a decidedly average Cub team, making him the only Cub twenty-game winner between Fergie Jenkins and Maddux.

His brother Paul saved one of his starts back in the day, making the Reuschels the first brother combo to score the win and save in a Major League game. Paul had a relatively nondescript career, but one thing I will remember about him is that he wore number 47, the jersey that Yosh Kowano affectionately refers to as "The Tent."

Rick's last appearance at Wrigley Field was a start in Game 2 of the 1989 NLCS. It was probably not the way he wanted to go out, as my heroes roughed him up en route to our only win in the series. But Cub Fans cheered him as he walked off the field. I like to think it's because they remembered what he meant to the team during those years we didn't have a lot to cheer about.

Maybe He Should Give Santo a Call

Saw a blurb in the paper that David Wells was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Wells says:

From the time I found out, I made changes. No more starches and sugar. No more rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread. No more fast food. I've cut out alcohol. This is a major lifestyle change. . . . I want to be around for a while.

Good call.

...And There Are Guys I Root Against

Fat non-roster invitee Minnesota Twins pitcher Sidney Ponson had this to say about the people of the town in which he started his pathetic waste of a career:

"They booed me when I was playing there. It doesn’t bother me. Baltimore fans have no clue what baseball is all about. The old Baltimore fans over on 33^rd Street [Memorial Stadium], that’s true baseball fans. [The Camden Yards fans] were booing me the last two years. It doesn’t matter. I could be pitching a good game and give up a run in the eighth and they would boo me. It doesn’t hurt my feelings."

Sidney, I'm pretty sure that the 5.30 and 6.21 ERAs over those two years weren't helping your cause. Your surly attitude didn't exactly win friends and influence people, either.

I don't think that Ponson has a clue of what baseball is about, either. He is, however, an expert on being a public hazard on the beach and assaulting the judiciary.

Surely, the Twins have better options than that.