This Is Getting Ridiculous

OK, so it's Monday evening. I turn on the television machine to see if there is anything that will serve as appropriate background noise while I go about my tasks.

I scroll down the programming guide and the listing for the MLB Network informs me that the Brewers/Mariners game is on. Now, the game was played that afternoon (I know because I saw the final score on the Yahoo MLB page), but who cares? It's baseball, and I'll watch it.  God knows I've watched older games.

So I turn my DirecTV crank to channel 213 and get ready for some baseball.  Alas, it was not to be.

Instead of a pleasurable, meaningless spring training game, I saw nothing but a blank screen -- and an on-screen message telling me that "This program is blacked out in your area."

Really, Major League Baseball?  As if the blackout restrictiosn aren't goofy enough -- now you're blacking out Brewers games that have already been played?

Perhaps Baron Budhausen is scared that we'll all stay home and watch the tape delayed game instead of hitching a lift from this guy for the roadie to Arizona:

You'll Put Your Eye Out

This is mean, but funny. Of course some yahoo from Assbackwards, Arkansas is going to be the one to defend keeping a gun in his locker. Come on, what could possibly go wrong with something so innocent as keeping a firearm in an area filled with a group of intense professional athletes?

Now carrying a loaded weiner, that's dangerous.

Memo to the Brew Crew

Dear Mensa Members of Milwaukee:

When celebrating your teammate's selection to the All-Star Team, please do not rush him during a press conference and douse him with beer when he is holding his young daughter on his lap.

That kind of behavior might fly in Milwaukee, but the rest of the civilized world might not be down with it...

Thank God That's Over

Sweet zombie Jeebus, I hate interleague play. But I hate the White Sox series even more than interleague play in general.

No, not because I hate the White Sox. It's because the Cubs/Sox series can never just be about the game. There's so much extraneous BS going around that it just gets tiresome.

Whether it's the bozos from both sides of town who pollute the message boards here to the constant whining about everything from White Sox players, field manager, and front office executives.

I hate to be on the same side as a putz like Mariotti, but I am. You'd think a World Series trophy would be enough to validate some people's sense of self-worth so they wouldn't feel the urge to denigrate others. You'd be wrong.

Look at what those guys were saying over the last week. Now, imagine that instead of a guy from the White Sox saying that stuff about the Cubs, their stadium, and their fans, that it was a guy from the Red Sox talking about the Orioles. Or the Astros talking about the Rangers. Or some random team not from Chicago about some other random team not from Chicago.

If it were a member of the Tigers front office ripping on Cleveland for not having won a World Series in a long time, you'd think him a nut job. Or deeply, deeply disturbed.

But what do I know? Stay classy, Chicago White Sox organization!

Ball Hawks

The guys at chicagosports.com put up some audio of Reds' broadcaster Marty Brennaman blasting Cub Fans because a bunch of idiots in the bleachers threw balls on the field after a Reds homer the other night.

Just a few thoughts on that...

** Marty's right -- throwing the ball back is lame. It was amusing the first time someone did it. No, wait...that's a lie. It was never amusing. Cub Fan, I implore you -- stop. Just stop.

** Marty goes on to say that there were "fifteen or eighteen" balls on the field, and elaborates that that is "so typical" of Cub Fan.

Eighteen idiots threw balls on the field. More than 39,000 other people (some of them idiots, some not) repressed the urge to hurl anything out of the stands. Is eighteen a large enough sample in this group to call it "typical" of the group?

** And just for good measure, Marty adds that people throwing baseballs on the field after home runs are one of the reasons why he roots against the Cubs. And then caps it all off by saying that you know there's just no way the Cubs will win the division this year because they're the Cubs, and will find a way to mess it up.

Is this part of the pass that one of the Chicago teams keeps getting? Just curious...

A Real Prince

Brewer Fan has something else to worry about...

Prince Fielder is appealing the three-game suspension that was handed down by the commissioner's office Wednesday, allowing him to remain in the Milwaukee Brewers'
lineup until his appeal is heard.

Fielder was suspended and fined an undisclosed amount for "inappropriate and aggressive conduct"...

Really? Prince?? "Inappropriate and aggressive?" That doesn't sound like the Fielder we all know and love. Let's read on, shall we?

...during a confrontation with plate umpire Wally Bell on Sunday, when the Brewers lost 6-4 at Houston. The first baseman was ejected after arguing a called third strike and had to be restrained by bench coach Dale Sveum.

Oh. That explains it. Wally Bell -- the younger, less rotund version of Country Joe West. I'm sure Bell handled the situation like a professional, and did nothing to exacerbate the situation.

And here's one from the TMI file:

"We're both over 250 pounds, so if our stomachs touch, that's going to happen,"
Fielder said.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

On the plus side, at least Prince didn't go all Jose Offerman. Come on, Jose -- it's an Atlantic League game! I respect your desire to keep the Major League dream alive, but honestly...isn't the Atlantic League about two steps up from rec league softball?

They Write Letters

The sports eds at Tribune Tower must be having some difficulties filling their Saturday letters to the editor page. Why else would they print this missive from a reader who takes exception to Mike Downey's cryfest:

CHICAGO -- Mike Downey points out that athletes are given multiple breaks after they break the law or team rules (Tribune, July 12). Then he whines that those in the media seem to be judged more harshly. Welcome aboard the Obvious Express, Mike.

Athletes are entertainers. What they do for a living isn't critical to many people's lives. Someone needs to remind Mr. Downey that the media, at least theoretically, has a higher calling.

Therefore, as with a cop gone bad, the punishment for breaking this public trust needs to be severe.

-- G-- T--

Well said, Mr. T. I wish I had thought of it first...

With the Cubs playing well, and White Sox Fan in hiding, the eds can't rely on inane letters about how crummy the Cubs are to fill their precious column inches. Fortunately, they get plenty of inane letters about Barry Bonds to take up the slack. Like this one from Park Ridge's K.W.:

While many await Barry Bonds' big day to outhit Henry Aaron, no matter how you
slice it, Babe Ruth will always be remembered as the home run king of baseball. He did it best, and he did it faster. Why not compare apples to apples? Ruth not only hit them out of the park, he also pitched. Can't say that for Bonds.

Yes, Ms. W. -- let's compare apples to apples! But if we're going to compare Bonds and Ruth as home run sluggers (the apples, if you will), how does Babe's pitching prowess enter the equation? It would seem to be more of an orange than an apple.

Ah, well -- if life hands you apples and oranges, make a delicious fruit salad, I always say. Thank you, Tribune editors, for once again brightening my Saturday morning with your ever-fruity selection of reader mail!

These People Make Me Sick

I don't even know where to begin to discuss idiocy like this. That such a whackjob represents U.S. citizens in Congress is a pretty frightening idea. To talk about a war in which over 3000 Americans and thousands and most likely hundreds of thousands of Iraqis have been killed as though it was a baseball game is beyond the pale of any type of human dignity.

But not beneath the dignity of wingnut Republicans, I see. I think that this group is perfectly able to answer the famous question that Joseph Welch once asked another loon in Congress. Their answer would be a very firm "no."